The Jackal


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
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Konbanwa!

I'm in this internet cafe in the middle of nowhere with Kit and Exel... much to my dismay, I forgot to bring my diskette with me... my computer logs are there and that's what I usually do... just paste them here when I feel like....

Since Aicha asked me a while ago who my muse of inspiration is, I couldn't stop thinking who really is... I don't... do I? I mean, I don't write because my muse visited me... I know muses... they have specific roles... I, for one, must have dozens of them because I don't know what I'd write, when I'd write... It just comes in like *poof!*...

Sometimes I just keep writing even if I don't understand what I'm writing anymore... (happens when I'm tipping between the land of sleep and awake)...

I'm have this little rage going on in me.... I want to but I can't... Somehow, with all the darkness in my neural net, I can't quite write the way I want to... write deep-down, abysmal thoughts on life and etc...

take, for example, Dark Shadows... (c/o crazyfox.suddenlaunch.com and aicha, for introducing me to his writings)... his mind must be one crazy field of imagination and experience... sometimes agonizing, sometimes inspiring.... but no matter what he writes, he writes well, and not just any well kind of well... writing that makes you think...

all I could do is put my thoughts, sometimes random, on paper... or here, in this blogspot.... most of them are tacky... but what can I do?.... I'm tacky... I'd be happy if somebody appreciated what I wrote but that's the extent of it... my vocabulary is not wide... I've been trying to work on it but nothing happens... I just keep dreaming of it and nothing ever happens... dammit... It's as if I'm destined to live out my life in mediocracy, looking up at the people I want to be knowing that whatever I do, I'd never think like the way they think....