Jesus, who?

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year~!!!!!

Although, I don't understand why Christmas is being celebrated... Jesus couldn't have been born on the 25th of December in a stable in a cave... with a bright star shining on top (like a flashlight) guiding the wise men (not three, who the hell said three? Marco Polo said that he saw the graves of the three... would a King be only attended by three?) and attended by shepherds and angels...

hold it!.... how cold does it get in the Bethlehem area during the winter solstice? according to reliable sources, it gets very cold... very unhealthy for a pregnant woman to give birth in a stable... much less ride on a donkey and trek for miles... shepherds couldn't have been present because they let the sheep graze during the warmer months... and, take this... the wise men must have come from babylonia or persia or somewhere 900kms. from Bethlehem by the crow's flight... it would have took them, more or less, 50 days to reach their destination if they saw the star that night Jesus was born since caravans at that time travel at the rate of 30kms per day (would you let camels gallop all the way)... so, when they arrived, where was Jesus?... i take that the Concorde was not yet available at that time, and the 900kms. i'm speaking of is a straight line from A to B... caravans take twists and turns...

I'm on a roll here, give me some time!....

How come only the gospel of Matthew has the Nativity sequence? And how come matthew is so fond of earthquakes?

According to tradition... Jews don't embalm their dead, but rather put spices and stuff and wrap in yards of linen cloth... the whole package amounting to about 150lbs... and, only a specific member of the family could do the rites... the wife, if he was married.. the mother, if he was a bachelor.. the sister, if he was an orphan and a bachelor... and then aunts and cousins in respective order... note, women only... one only... so, how come Mary Magdalene was the one depicted in the gospels? (tadaaan!) who the hell was she?

When Jesus was crucified to the cross, he couldn't have been nailed only in the hands, (as christian statues, paintings, etc., show)... the weight of the body would have totally ripped the hands out... he would have been nailed also in the wrists...

Romans don't let the people they crucify carry the entire cross... (duuh!) ... they only carry the horizontal bar (patibulum) ... the vertical one (the stipe) was permanently fixed to the ground... and, when they hang their criminals on the stipe, the cross forms a (T) ... not a (t)... and where were the apostles? why did they have to let Simon of Cyrene do the carrying? didn't Jesus tell them not to fear those who harm the body? the cowards!... oh, by the way, Jesus was one of them... how many times did he flee?.... hmmm....

POP QUIZ!: Who was the first one to be ressurected?

think about this question... consult the bible if you want... i think it can be found in matt.27 or 28...

the answer: Not Jesus! who were those whose graves were opened before Jesus was ressurected? And, I wonder why they didn't stir a commotion, waiting there, outside the city gates for three days... Imagine if your local graveyard was suddenly filled with the dead, er... alive... er... whatever!... this amazing thing would have landed smack dab in the scrolls of history... errm... can't seem to find it anwhere!... the people must have had an uncanny case of blindness and amnesia! And by the way, Jesus rose on the second day... not the third... Think about it!

The day is divided into three... morning, afternoon, evening...

Jesus died on a Friday evening (6pm)... count one evening... then the next day, Saturday... one morning, two evenings, one afternoon... then... uh oh... Sunday morning? that's all in all... two evenings, two mornings, and one afternoon... I suppose the gospel writers didn't know how to count eh?

Still confused?... ok... you book a weekend trip for your family that starts on the Friday and lasts for three days... lets say you arrive at your destination Friday at 3pm and you are all settled down by 6pm, you have a late dinner and sleep because you are tired from all the activities. The next day is Saturday, you take you and your family out for shopping and then return when night comes... you sleep... The next morning is Sunday, your room phone rings at around sunrise and the person on the other line tells you that your three days are up and you have to go... what do you do? complain? talk to the manager? or pack your bags and walk away (that's what Jesus kind of did, by the way)?

POP QUIZ2!: Who ascended to heaven the first?

again, the bible... old testament this time...

My christian education in grade school told me that Jesus was the first... did I get the chewing of my life when I told her that Elijah was the first one... but I had the Bible to back me up... duhh.... you know what she made me do? She made me kneel in front of a picture of Jesus and say sorry for the sin I commited!...

POP QUIZ3!: Okay... there was adam, eve, cain, abel... cain killed abel and he was banished to the land of Nod, and there he met his wife... (lets forget about the wife for now)... of course, adam and eve must have had more children, and their children after that... wait... so it was one incestous family eh? come on, supply me with the knowledge that this was not an incestous family!....

POP QUIZ4!: Granting that Noah made the ark... granting that all the animals in the world were there... granting, that they stayed there for almost a year... (40 days and 40 nights, and they still had to wait for the waters to subside)... where the hell would they put the manure?... better yet... how did they feed the exotic animals?... koalas need fresh eucalyptus leaves every day... polar bears... oh... I can't start to think what happened to the poor things inside the hot ark!

POP QUIZ5!: If AD started at year one... then the 2000th year should have been the 2001st, any elementary student could tell you that... so, how come the catholic church ordered it to be on the 2000th?.. hmm.... they invented the Roman calendar, by the way...

TRIVIA TIME!: Before Magellan proved that the world was round, the rest of the world considered those unbelievers heretics and were immediately disposed of (burned at stake, hanged, beheaded...) ... but when he did prove, they immediately lifted the law... hmm... so, what of the church leaders eh?

POP QUIZ6!: Was Jesus ever called Immanuel/Emmanuel? come on, where is it in the bible?

POP QUIZ7!: If you were the successor to the throne, anywhere you would have been, you would still be the heir... (example: your father owns land in batangas, and you live in Cebu... if, by chance, he dies and names it to you... you still inherit the land, wherever you may go!) so, if Jesus was heir to the Kingdom Eternal, he need not have been born in Bethlehem... why did Joseph allow his pregnant wife to travel all the way to Bethlehem? Because of the census, you say?... Mary did not belong in Bethlehem.. only Joseph... come on, the Romans are not that cruel not to excuse pregnant women at the verge of giving birth!

TRIVIA2!: according to the apostle Paul, one day to Him is equivalent to 1000 years... so, he spent six days creating (6000 years) and rested on the seventh and made it a holy day (1000 years of resting, that's not right!)... and, following chronology, and scholastic agreements... 5000 years have passed between adam and eve, and the birth of Jesus... two thousand since then... so, we're on the 7000th year (7th day)... so we should be all heretics at this time...

come on!.... I'm a heretic! It's your chance to save me from the pits of hell and have a place in the bosom of the Father!... :P i'm getting tired from all this.... there's a lot more, actually...

by the way, I'm a Free Thinker... if you ask me why I celebrate Christmas, it's because the whole world is... and, I admit, it's fun!

there are around 2,200 christian sects and cults, each one promising eternal life, salvation, the works... now, which one is the real thing?

Christmas is for the pagans!

*fill in creepy music*

I HAVE RETURNED!!!! Hwekhekhekhek!

since sinimulan mo na aich... tatapusin ko ang xmas questions ninyo!! har har har!

ACHTUNG: if you don't want to raise more questions like this, don't read... you have been warned.

10, in particular:

1.) Who was born in a cave? (note that Jesus was born in a stable in a cave...)
2.) Who was born of a virgin?
3.) Who had 12 disciples?
4.) Who was the only begotten son of the Father?
5.) Who was visited by wise men guided by a star at his birth?
6.) Who created the universe and all things in it?
7.) Who died, ressurected, and bridged the gap between heaven and hell?
8.) Whose arrival is it that is celebrated every December 24-25?
9.) Whose birth was notified to shepherds by angels?
10.) Whose religion is it that religious sacrament is performed?



actually, daghan pa ang questions... kalimot lang ko sa uban...

and the answer is...

*drum roll*

*cymbal crash*

*high score sound ng 3310*

Mithras (known as other names in other religions)!!!!!.... born (according to history; check the books and hit the web) centuries before the appearance of Jesus Christ... hmmmm... sound fishy?

pasensya na sa akoa... medyo nakainom ko... see, the time is now 2:28am!! yeheY!!!!!

mao ni ang akong gihimo tibuok pasko, mag-research sa connection sa lahi-lahi nga religion... and, would you believe, daghan kaayo!

I'm a heretic... go ahead and burn me to hell!

*hik*