that's my cousin.... ain't she the cutest? #.#
20031127
Brooding...
It seems that I have lost any inspiration that I used to have... I can't write... No matter how hard I try, I'd only disgust myself for trying to reach the unreachable, trying to conquer the fathomless and scaling the evenly-smooth and shiny mountain... If I couldn't write well then, imagine how my words would turn out to be... Even writing this little entry tires my brain... wearies my soul.
I don't know why... It just stopped all of a sudden... The last time I wrote something was last week... A poem of sorts... It seems like that was my eulogy... my requiem... my last will and testament... even if I didn't think while writing it, it seems like my other personalities gave writing a shot and guided my hand... I tried to write a few hours later since I thought I had the inspiration to do so... it all ended up in the rubbish bin...
Perhaps it really isn't me who writes... maybe, deep down inside there is this (quotes aicha) "Dark, brooding, and bald-headed man" who is dying to come out and make himself known to the rest of the world that he exists within me, and that I am just a stubborn fragile little vessel trying to contain his building pressure... he might be sitting there in his quiet little way, plotting how to take control over this intransigent being... brooding...
Although, I'm happy... or am I? I can't quite figure out what I'm really feeling nowadays... I've been thrown in a whirlwind of chaos and confusion and realizations, it's surprising I still have the strength to go on...
Since last week I have been bombarded with answers to questions I never have thought of... My mind was opened to a legion of things, some interesting, some worthwhile, some even shocking... I will not type them here because there might be a possibility that someone I don't want to be reading might come across whatever is written here...
As for now, I will keep on hoping that the inspiration will come back... otherwise, I don't know how I would exist... Without this, I'd be desolate as a newly-nuked city...
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