bored shit...

It's a Saturday... I'm supposed to be frolicking in some waterfalls but no! My other friends didn't mind to inform me that the trip will be going as planned... so, here I am, BORED SHIT!

I have a very long list of need right now and one of that is a telephone line at home!... apart from a new computer since mine is so outdated...

BORED SHIT!... I don't even know what to write... grrr...

Fag time!

What the hell is wrong with me? with this world?... dammit...

I really don't know what to feel... 'tis like I'm turning round and round on some gigantic wheel I could not stop from turning...

Speaking of what's with this world... last night, some guy tried to get me into his car... he said he wanted to be my friend... and he'd drive me all the way home...! Good thing I didn't give him the right place... and I did not even think of getting in.. (come to think of it, I could have saved 10 pesos... :P)... but why, oh why, did I tell him my real name? That guy's a fag... I could smell it!

I was in for a perturbed night... good thing I got to talk to a friend I really really like.. Ü

if only I could get that little bit of big thought out of my mind... you know, the thing that happened...

Dammit!

40 freaking pesos slipped through my fingers and into the hands of this filthy school!

If I only knew that I the movie we were supposed to watch was the one I watched four times back in high school, I wouldn't have given a shit to watch it... I'd rather sit through The Last Samurai three times!.... so, I wasn't able to watch Last Samurai with Jade... sa tuesday nalang daw......

But I still miss that 40 pesos... sayang din yun, pwede na pang malativas, or Last Samurai...

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

I'm going to watch the Last Samurai tomorrow with my buddy, Jade... I hope that more would go with us 'coz it's going to look like we're on a date.... err.... technically, yes we're going on a movie date...

Anyway... My mind is still full of the fifth installment of the Harry Potter series... I guess I could use it as a distraction for what ever hell happened...

My lil bro, Mico, borrowed the book from their library... It's hardly a year old and it already looks like it passed through the hands of the entire university!

So there I go, picking up the book and started reading where I left off... (Chapter 12, four months ago)... and I figured what the hell, I'll read it from the start once more! I grabbed a plate from the kitchen and filled it with whatever food was served on the table. I turned on the computer since I was thinking I still had a little bit of homework to do... I sat down in front of the screen and started reading while it booted. 30 minutes later, while Harry was being detained by Madame Umbridge, the frog-faced Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, I still hadn't touched my food, the computer was still on and burning the electricity... I got slapped back momentarily into reality... I noticed that the little ants that come from somewhere in our house had made a snack out of the bits of rice that spilled from the plate... I set the ants aside and shoveled the food into my mouth like I just ended a hunger strike for three months... swish, chew, chomp, gulp... gone in 3 minutes... I turned off the computer, took the plate into the kitchen, brushed my teeth and went to bed... My finger was still on that detention page.. I passed by the clock on top of the fridge and its arms read 10:30...

I then took a part of that very thick book and started reading, and reading, and reading, shifting positions on my bed, reading again... giggling like a little kid whenever Harry and Cho Chan talked... most especially when Harry was standing under the mistletoe... guess what happened?Ü

I never noticed the time, you know... I was absorbing every bit of that book like it was a very important part of my life... I felt like I was there, and I could relate to Harry whenever Cho Chan is there... reminds me of the times I had back in high school (I was, and probably still am, torpe.... I found out that James was quite the bully... Snape had this dark secret... and Sirius Black died!... HE DIED!! for crying out loud!... and you'd think that he died in a heroic sort of way... nooooo.... it was a misfire! I could've wrung Rowling's neck if she were here!

The book was pretty dragging, if you ask me, but somehow... even though it's dragging, you'd want to read more and more to see if it's only that part which is dragging.... i finished reading the book when the first rays of light seeped through the horizon...

I was thinking to myself... DAMN! i have classes at nine!... but after reading the book, I just had to sleep!...

I woke up at 10... too late for my class, too early for the next...

and methinks I dreamed about being in Hogwarts myself....

T.T

granting that I'm in the right state of mind... which, undoubtedly, i'm not... I'm writing with the aid of one of my inner personalities...

I'm hanging there, in the loop... out of balance.. perturbed...

I don't understand why, of all the people the powers of nature can hit, I'd be the one... more to the point...

I know i should feel disgusted at myself... wallowing in my own tears if i could shed some...

I'm low... lower than low... lower than the freaking snake that crawls with his chin on the ground... no, lower... how do I say that there are a few things that happened recently that burned through my thick skull and got branded on my puny brain... can I really forget what happened even if i try my heart out?.... I feel so useless... I feel like a fucking loser...

I should feel happy, you know? but now that I think of it, the more it sinks in... I AM A LOSER...

An hour ago, I was a steam engine, puffing clouds of smoke out of my chimney... I can't calm down... I don't think I could sleep well tonight... talking doesn't help...

Help?

I feel like smashing my head against the computer screen... somebody stop me...

....

there I go... there's a crack in the screen...